“Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. 11 Extremely Funny One Liner Jokes “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” Russell Howard “I’m on a whiskey diet. Mater is Latin for mother, since their primary function is to protect the central nervous system. is the funniest one liner you know? : r/AskReddit>What is the funniest one liner you know? : r/AskReddit. ago I skydive and sometimes hear things like this around the drop zone: If your parachute fails, you have the rest of your life to fix it. So a few years go my friend got viral meningitis, a swelling of the meninges that can easily kill you. The cops have nothing to go on. Two peanuts walk into a bar, one was assaulted. We recently asked our @CaddieNetwork Twitter followers to share with us the funniest lines or jokes theyve ever heard on the golf course. Youll be sure to brighten someones day when you unleash a hilarious joke when they least expect it. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. A man goes in to his doctors for an exam and the doctor says, Well, I have good news and bad news. I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo. Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter. 1) “Have you ever noticed… [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. They make us groan, say “Are you serious?”, and, of course, make us chuckle. ] 2) “I threw a boomerang a few years ago. Which day do potatoes fear the most? Fry-days. Explanation: “No joke” has a double meaning here. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. Pap Smear: Making fun of Dad Pathalogical: A reasonable way to go Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis Post Operative: A letter carrier Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery Rectum: Almost killed him Red Blood Count: Dracula Secretion: Hiding something Seizure: Roman Emperor. Funny one-liners take a sophisticated observation about life or language and reframe it as a slyly “dumb” joke whose full comic power hits only after your brain unpacks it. #1 Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. The 20 best one-liners ever. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 25 Clever Jokes That Make You Sound Smart. The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank… I have no words to describe how angry I am. I try not to tell dad jokes, but when I do, he thinks they’re. We found the funniest jokes around to tell all of your friends and family. I’d tell you a pizza joke, but it’s probably too cheesy. The Stupidest Thing I Ever Heard In My Life Is That A Baby Is Smart. funniest ever jokes and best one. [sobbing] I dont have any goddamn thumbs! Now jack me off, you piece of shit!. As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. “Some cause happiness wherever they go. Here are some funny one liners to make you laugh: 1. “May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. #1 Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. Change is inevitable—except from a vending machine. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! What falls, but never needs a bandage? The rain. I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count. Funny Medical Jokes?>Can You Handle These 65 Ridiculously Funny Medical Jokes?. “Caddie told me it was a 5 iron to clear the water on a par 3, I. 150 Best Friday Jokes to Get You Laughing, TGIF!. He was known for double meanings embedded in his one-liners, along with his ever-present cigar, prominent eyebrows, and glasses. 50 One-Liners from Stand-Up Comedy Legends / Purple Clover Classic jokes that still stand up Classic jokes that still stand up Purple Clover Relationships Marriage Sex Dating Memoirs Family. zwRI- referrerpolicy=origin target=_blank>See full list on parade. Music legends with some of the best old hound dogs they ever did know Puppy Love: The 25 Greatest Dogs in Pop Culture History Icons of classic films and TV, from Toto and Lassie to Uggie and a British beagle made entirely of clay. The barman says, Sorry we dont serve food in here. ]” [Jerry Seinfeld uses this technique. Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch, Yeti never complains. Game-Changer for Americans in. Music legends with some of the best old hound dogs they ever did know Puppy Love: The 25 Greatest Dogs in Pop Culture History Icons of classic films and TV, from Toto and Lassie to Uggie and a British beagle made entirely of clay. Moreover, they can always help you avoid silly moments of silence when youre with your friends. The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank I have no words to describe how angry I am. Golfer A: “Let’s get a group photo here on the first tee. Somebody stole all the toilets from the police station. #1 Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. The 20 best one-liners ever. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #118 which is your number one source for funniest one liner, funniest. Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license. — ciprex 02 of 24 Well, Well, Well, Very Funny Via Getty Images/Arsenio Marrero. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one. How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints. And Im like [laughing] No, you go ahead and jack off the dog, he follows me around too much as it is. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. 148 Dad Jokes That Are Actually Funny. com%2f1040121%2fmarynliles%2fone-liners%2f/RK=2/RS=ULUGahZ5t51fcFDAaZBsM3. What was Moses wife, Zipphora, known. Im not a fan of spring cleaning. He approaches the dead mans wife, and asks if he could say a word. With well over 100 responses submitted, we narrowed the list down to 42 of. What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? Theyre both Paris sites. Hell be following me around like, Jack me off! Jack me off! You did it once! Do it yourself. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any. Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. I never forget a face, but in your case Ill make an exception. Why did Friday work out? It was a weak day for him. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #116 which is your number one source for funniest one liners ever hear. Why was the baby ant confused? Because all his uncles were ants. What did the grape say when it got. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. First of all, it is so short that by telling it, you’ll never miss the ‘magical moment’ and will always leave your. They make us groan, say “Are you serious?”, and, of course, make us chuckle. What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me. Groucho Marx and his brothers had an unmatched flair for comedy. 11 Clean One Liner Jokes. Best One Liners You Have Ever Heard. 45 Funny Christian Jokes Canva/Parade 1. 20 View More Replies View more comments #3. Funny Examples of Irony in Real Life Our Hardest Riddles Ever Too Much Time I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time-consuming. Always remember that youre unique, just like everyone else. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?” 3. But in medieval times people were named Lance a lot. Its incurable and you have three weeks to live. It is confirmed that taller people sleep longer. Youll be sure to brighten someones day when you unleash a hilarious joke when they. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one. Why do you like Fridays that much? Friday is my second best F-word ever. My friend said: “You have a BA, a. How does the ocean say hello? It waves. My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo A magician was going down a road and turned into a driveway How long is a Chinese name Last week a hypnotist convinced me that. 40 Of Probably The Best One-Liner Jokes Ever. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. ” – Milton Jones “I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim. A man is at the funeral of an old friend. 11 Extremely Funny One Liner Jokes “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” Russell Howard “I’m on a whiskey diet. Friday is my 3rd best F-word after food and f…! Next: 69 Wine Jokes to Unwind Your Day. In the joke world hierarchy, one-liners are a gem: theyre easy to remember, take no time to tell, and if crafted just right pack a mightier punch than a joke with a longer set up. The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. 1) “Have you ever noticed [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. Bad jokes can be short, corny, punny, and deliver some of the best one-liners ever. Via Getty Images/Michael Heim / EyeEm. See TOP 10 witty one-liners. If women were boogers, Id pick you first. She got her looks from her father. Funny Ghost and Goblin Jokes Cavan Images Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo. ] 2) I threw a boomerang a few years ago. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. In this full special from Dry Bar Comedy, Geechy Guy lays d. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?. You can pull these out of your back pocket when you’re in need of something funny on the fly along with the funniest one-liners, some “what do you call?” jokes, and even something to get. The 20 best one-liners ever. “A computer once beat me at chess. Funny Groucho Marx Quotes. Best One Liners Ever With these best one liners ever, you can find yourself laughing like a crazed hyena. I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo. Some people think prison is one word, but to robbers, its the whole sentence. Funny One Liner Jokes 1. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. Tumor: More than one, an extra pair. Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. Best Dad Jokes That Are Actually Funny. Youll have trouble putting on your pants. 145 Best Dad Jokes of All Time. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims. He keeps trying to convince me hes a compulsive liar, but I dont believe him. Parties, school, worktheyre guaranteed to make you the coolest cat in town. Jokes That Make You Sound Smart. 109 Funny Puns You Cant Help But Smile At — Best Life. Our funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh. Some of the best one-liner comedians include Milton Jones, Shappi Khorsandi, Jimmy Carr, Tim Vine and Steven. The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995. Funny one-liners 1. They are separated into three sub-layers called the dura mater, the arachnoid mater, and the pia mater. What guarantees to ruin your Friday? Learning that it. What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me. The creative prowess of a writer, or a jokester, in this case, shines through the most when concentrated in the least possible words. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long. The man stands up, clears his throat, and says Plethora. I should have asked for a jury. One morning, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. 101 Good, Clean Jokes Thatll Make You Laugh. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. Can You Handle These 65 Ridiculously Funny Medical Jokes?. Funny Ghost and Goblin Jokes Cavan Images Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. 50 One-Liners from Stand-Up Comedy Legends / Purple Clover Classic jokes that still stand up Classic jokes that still stand up Purple Clover Relationships Marriage Sex Dating Memoirs Family. He was so good, I don’t even care. Explanation: “No joke” has a double meaning here. Funny comeback: This one cuts deep “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. What are some of the best one liners you have ever heard? Try these on for size: a collection of our favorite gags from some of the worlds greatest comedians. Comebacks Youll Wish You Knew Before. Wayne While Wayne and the others are often busy with chorin they certainly still make time for a lot of immature conversations. 101 Funny Puns to Get You Giggling All Day. Lance is an uncommon name nowadays. Please continue while I take notes. One liner tags: puns. Why do you like Fridays that much? Friday is my second best F-word ever. 75 Short Jokes for Adults and Kids That Are Actually Funny. ” – Milton Jones “I had a dream last night that I was. I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. ” Groucho Marx “The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally. Report 227 points POST THIS IS HILARIOUS 22 View more comments #2 Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen. 4653 Funny One Liners. Groucho Marx and his brothers had an unmatched flair for comedy. This one is so bad you just have to laugh at it. The most one-liner jokes youll ever hear in a full comedy special might just be from Geechy Guy. And you dont have to worry about these being clean: All of our favorite jokes are fit for kids and adults. One was assaulted. Funniest Quotes From Letterkenny. Our list of the best one line jokes of all time are curated by the bunch of comedians that make. That reminds me of another one I heard: I want to go skydiving before I die. 105 of the best short jokes and one. I wanted to take a bath, but then decided to leave it where it is. 01 of 24 Did Not See That Coming Via Getty Images/EvanKafka. That way, when I do criticize him, Im a mile away and I have his shoes. I asked the IT guy, “How do you make a Motherboard?” He said, “I tell her about my job. Funny Examples of Irony in Real Life Our Hardest Riddles Ever Too Much Time I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time-consuming. RIP, boiling water. You Can’t Help but Laugh At>175 Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help but Laugh At. 175 Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help But Laugh At. With jokes about everything from mummies to zombies to pumpkins (and even some cheesy dad jokes), finding the perfect spook-tacular one-liner will be the least of your worries. What is the best Friday of the year for the faithful? The Good Friday. Bad jokes can be short, corny, punny, and deliver some of the best one-liners ever. Hilarious Comebacks Youll Wish You Knew Before. You can pull these out of your back pocket when you’re in need of something funny on the fly along with the funniest one-liners, some “what do you call?” jokes, and even something to get. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. ” This one comes from Dorothy Parker who was the queen of good comebacks. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. Reply 9 69ingJamesFranco • 9 yr. “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. The inventor of the throat lozenge died last month. The wife says that yes, he could. 100 Dark Humor Jokes That Are Twisted, Morbid and Funny. I wanted to take a bath, but then decided to leave it where it is. What do dentists call their x-rays? Tooth pics! 3. Mitch Hedberg and Steven Wright, too. What guarantees to ruin your Friday? Learning that it was only a Thursday. Dark Humor Jokes That Are Twisted, Morbid and Funny >100 Dark Humor Jokes That Are Twisted, Morbid and Funny. In the joke world hierarchy, one-liners are a gem: they’re easy to remember, take no time to tell, and if crafted just right pack a mightier punch than a joke with a longer set up. Short jokes for kids What did the man say to his fingers? I’m counting on you. ( Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #118 which is your number one source for funniest one liner, funniest. The 20 best one-liners ever. 11 Extremely Funny One Liner Jokes “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” Russell Howard “I’m on a whiskey diet. ” (Long pause) Golfer B: “Yeahhow ‘bout YOU take it?” — @JerryLouLooper ————————- 41. 3) Whats a comedians least favorite drink? [Booze] I threw a boomerang a few years ago. Spend $500, Get $200 Fast With This Top Card. What is the funniest one liner you know? : r/AskReddit. I was involved in very organised crime. Funny Puns to Get You Giggling All Day. Steal these classic one-liner jokes in our collection of the best one-liner jokes from experts in funny like Milton. Via Getty Images/Michael Heim / EyeEm. Funny Jokes About Friday. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds My phone will ring at 2am and my wifell look at me and go, Whos that calling at this time? I say, I dont know. Some comedians use one-liners as a basis for their comedic method. They asked me to follow my dreams. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, Im not going to go spreading it!. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated. Did you hear they arrested the devil? Yeah, they got him on possession. Im afraid of speed bumps, but I am slowly getting over it. A man goes in to his doctors for an exam and the doctor says, Well, I have good news and bad news. Funny one-liners 1. Try the seafood diet—you see food, then you eat it. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. That reminds me of another one I heard: I want to go skydiving before I die. Thorax: A Dr. What is the best Friday of the year for the faithful? The Good Friday. Be that as it may, if you want to read a joke, it is not a novel you are looking for but rather a quick comedic relief. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo A magician was going down a road and turned into a driveway How long is a Chinese name Last week a hypnotist convinced me that. Funny One Liner Jokes 1. Report 158 points POST I just snorted my coffee. #1 Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. One liner tags: puns. Whats the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?. (… Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke. 120 of the best ever jokes and one. Rodney Dangerfield nailed it. ” Tommy Cooper “I was married by a judge. Funny>75 Short Jokes for Adults and Kids That Are Actually Funny. I’m a faux pa. The 20 best lines from W1A “I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time. But all mine ever says is goodbye. There was no coffin at his funeral. I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger each second; then it hit me! 33. And Im like [laughing] No, you go ahead and jack off the dog, he follows me around too much as it is. My friends keep pressuring me to go spelunking, so I finally caved. One liners are great. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now. They’re also a great way to get a chuckle out of kids. Thats when I knew we werent gonna work out. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. 90 Good Comebacks, Roasts & One. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! What falls, but never needs a bandage? The rain. I went back to sleep right away. They are separated into three sub-layers called the dura mater, the arachnoid mater, and the pia mater. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #116 which is your number one source for funniest one liners ever hear. What is worse than ants in your pants? Uncles - Unknown 3. What did Jonahs family say when he told them about what happened before reaching Nineveh? Hmm, sounds fishy. Next: 75+ Funny What Do You Call Jokes. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. Irreverent and honest, this one pickup line will get you a laugh when you deliver it right. Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember. 1) Have you ever noticed… [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. Make sure to use extra sarcasm. Kids These Days Have you played the updated kids game? I Spy. I was going to tell you a joke about boxing but I forgot the punch line. Best Friday Jokes to Get You Laughing, TGIF!>150 Best Friday Jokes to Get You Laughing, TGIF!. One liners are great. Lets be honest, Im not into summer, fall, or winter cleaning either. Turns out, Im not gonna be a doctor. Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the Boos. One of the classic best one liners. Extremely Funny One Liners. And, to use as few words as possible and still. If youd like to enjoy some more medical humor, one liners and funny hospital jokes, be sure to check out our collection of medical puns. Pack your stuff, theyre waiting. I used to go fishing with Skrillex, but he kept dropping the bass. Oh, Im sorry, I didnt realize that youre an expert on my life and how I should live it. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana – mafia. I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. I never forget a face, but in your case Ill make an exception. Its never a good idea to keep both feet firmly on the ground. Two peanuts went walking down the street. com/_ylt=AwrFNKTruFZk8mIogqtXNyoA;_ylu=Y29sbwNiZjEEcG9zAzIEdnRpZAMEc2VjA3Ny/RV=2/RE=1683433836/RO=10/RU=https%3a%2f%2fparade. Always borrow money from a pessimist. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. Funny Puns You Cant Help But Smile At — Best Life>109 Funny Puns You Cant Help But Smile At — Best Life. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?” 3. They often get worked up and dive into silly topics, but this one point of view that Wayne felt the need to mention is particularly memorable. One liner tags: people, puns. A one-liner, also known as a punchline in some cases, is a truly remarkable form of a joke. 150 Funny One Liners to Get You Giggling All Day. When somebody says that you are. 20 Funniest Quotes From Letterkenny. 175 Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help but Laugh At. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a. 1) “Have you ever noticed… [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. It was chasing its tail trying to make both ends meet. What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me. The 20 best one-liners ever. - Milton Jones I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim. I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Aug 22, 2022. Funniest One Liners Ever Heard- Demetri Martin Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. Short jokes for kids What did the man say to his fingers? I’m counting on you.